Ohio State vs Michigan Jokes
Those of you who are Buckeye fans will enjoy the refreshing truth and openness of this material. Those of you who are Michigan fans won't enjoy it because there are too many big words.
Ah---Ohio-State Michigan Week. Feel free to replace Michigan with Pittsburgh Steelers!
Q: Why did Michigan change their field from grass to artificial turf?
A: To keep the Michigan cheerleaders from grazing at half time.
One day in an elementary school in Ann Arbor Michigan, a teacher asks her class if the Michigan Wolverines are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes except for Little Jimmy.
The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"
Little Jimmy says, "The Ohio State Buckeyes."
The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"
Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Buckeye fan, my mom is a Buckeye fan, I guess that makes me a Buckeye fan."
The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"
Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me a Michigan fan."
One foggy night, a Buckeye fan was heading north from Columbus and a Michigan fan was driving south from Ann Arbor. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.
The Michigan fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"
Likewise, the Buckeye fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.
The Wolverine fan walks over to the Buckeye fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."
The Buckeye fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."
The Buckeye fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Wolverine, "I think this is another sign--we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Wolverine fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Wolverine fan hands it back to the Buckeye fan and says, "Your turn!"
The Buckeye fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."
Q: What do Michigan and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!
Q: What's the difference between a University of Michigan fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?
A: On the University of Michigan campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.
Q: Why don't University of Michigan fans let their kids play in sand boxes?
A: Because cats keep covering them up.
Q: Why do University of Michigan fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Michigan campus?
A: A visitor.
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Michigan library?
A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Q: Why should the University of Michigan change its name to the "Opossums"?
A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
Q: What does the average University of Michigan student get on his SAT?
A: Drool
Q: What do you get when you cross a groundhog and a Wolverine?
A: Six more weeks of bad football.
General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie.
The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish." The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war."
Those of you who are Buckeye fans will enjoy the refreshing truth and openness of this material. Those of you who are Michigan fans won't enjoy it because there are too many big words.
Ah---Ohio-State Michigan Week. Feel free to replace Michigan with Pittsburgh Steelers!
Q: Why did Michigan change their field from grass to artificial turf?
A: To keep the Michigan cheerleaders from grazing at half time.
One day in an elementary school in Ann Arbor Michigan, a teacher asks her class if the Michigan Wolverines are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes except for Little Jimmy.
The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"
Little Jimmy says, "The Ohio State Buckeyes."
The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"
Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Buckeye fan, my mom is a Buckeye fan, I guess that makes me a Buckeye fan."
The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"
Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me a Michigan fan."
One foggy night, a Buckeye fan was heading north from Columbus and a Michigan fan was driving south from Ann Arbor. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.
The Michigan fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"
Likewise, the Buckeye fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.
The Wolverine fan walks over to the Buckeye fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."
The Buckeye fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."
The Buckeye fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Wolverine, "I think this is another sign--we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Wolverine fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Wolverine fan hands it back to the Buckeye fan and says, "Your turn!"
The Buckeye fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."
Q: What do Michigan and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!
Q: What's the difference between a University of Michigan fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?
A: On the University of Michigan campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.
Q: Why don't University of Michigan fans let their kids play in sand boxes?
A: Because cats keep covering them up.
Q: Why do University of Michigan fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Michigan campus?
A: A visitor.
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Michigan library?
A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Q: Why should the University of Michigan change its name to the "Opossums"?
A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
Q: What does the average University of Michigan student get on his SAT?
A: Drool
Q: What do you get when you cross a groundhog and a Wolverine?
A: Six more weeks of bad football.
General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie.
The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish." The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war."
The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish."
"Well," the General responds, "then can you have University of Michigan win a bowl game this year?"
After a moment, the genie says, "Let me see that map again."